Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Yeah I'm still awake

Just been messing around on facebook in the dark living room of our condo. I normally stay up and do whatever online while Jaz sleeps for a little while, because apparently my snoring keeps her up. I just can't seem to go to sleep tonight. I always feel like I want to update one of the websites I run, either, or, or But I never know what I want to do, so I end up doing nothing. And then sometimes I feel like starting a whole new site. Sooner or later I'll update on of those sites...just don't know when I will come up with something to update it with.

I've been thinking a lot about just growing up and being responsible over the past several months. When I look back at my years in high school and college, I always thought every little thing was like the end of the world. Man was I wrong back then. There is so much more to life than just partying and getting drunk and acting stupid with friends. I've come to realize the importance of a true friend. Someone who you KNOW will always be there in a split second if you need them. I look at some of the friends I have now. Sure we don't hang out as much as I would like, but I know I can depend on them with just a phone call. I miss a lot of them because we have all started our own paths in our lives with marriages and kids and careers and so on...but at the end of the day, I know I can give a call to any of them and just go chill and escape the reality of life even for an hour.

And of course the importance of family in my life has grown exponentially. I'm ashamed to say it, but I used to think of family as something we all just have...and I know I took it for granted. I look in the eyes of my nieces and nephews and I see such promise in what they can become. Sure none of them are over the age of 10, but their incredible and unique personalities are reflections of their environments, and right now their environment is family. I don't know when or how it happened, but they are growing up FAST! And I truly love being around them. My brothers and my mom too. I never enjoyed just being in the same house as them more than I do now. I don't see them as much as I used when I was Chloe's age obviously, so I try to have them come up to our place or hang out at mom's. It's real special to me...more special than it has ever been in the past.

So with that I will now try to get some sleep. I could've talked about how crappy the snow is or even how much crappier the Bulls are, but I wanted to have something nice in my mind before I fell asleep. I think I got it now...


Tonight Anxiety has kept me up. It was a pretty anxious day on Tuesday. I had to tell my boss and my boss' boss that I applied for another position in the company. I find out tomorrow [actually today] if the other team want me to join on officially, so that is what is on my mind tonight. I obviously hope I get it because it will be something completely new, but at the same time change is sometimes scary. But if I do get it I will dive in 100% and learn all I can from it. If not, then I will be sure to be happy in my current position as well. In the end it all comes down to happiness and getting what you want. I will make sure I will at least go for what I want because I can't ever complain about any situation if I don't even try to make it better for me. So however today ends, I know that I will have at least tried to make my life better.